well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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