Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
