this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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