I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
