you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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