That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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