I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
