He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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