you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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