haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
