thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
