piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
