..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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