ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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