So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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