I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
