I haven't been this sober since birth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
