some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
