I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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