I can tuck mytits in my pants
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
