escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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