hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
