I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
