how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
