I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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