fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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