im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Quick, to the slutcave!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This baby is an asshole
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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