Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
