wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
