i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
