dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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