How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
