apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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