your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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