it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
