is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
