But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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