yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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