okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
