i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
