My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
