you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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