I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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