i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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