I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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