Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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