It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
