I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wear drunk well.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
