I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
