dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
