i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
