So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
