Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
