Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
