gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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