This girl is more easily done than said...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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