Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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