I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
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Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize