Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
