when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
