Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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