sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
