Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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