i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
