Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
