Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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