Porn is love you can see.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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