Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize