i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
