i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
