I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
