I love black thongs
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
