my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
