He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
