Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
