She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
