I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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